Over the past few weeks, I am astonished by the amount of ladies I have met that have felt comfortable enough to open up to me about struggling with some post-partum baby blues. I try to refrain from using the whole "D-word" because it's a little intimidating, BUT, call it what you call it, the feelings are still the same. From women who adopted their little ones, to women who had quick and easy, to long and hard labors, so many women grapple with these overwhelming feelings once they become parents. And, while I don't believe women specifically, are alone in these feelings, I am not addressing (in this post, anyway) the symptoms of post-partum struggles in men.
From my many discussions recently, I have found some common "issues" that cause us women to feel a little (or a lot) blue:
- physical changes brought on by pregnancy and/or delivery- for some its the extra skin in the tummy area, or the the lack of tone, others its the recovery from a tough delivery, and for others it's the lack of personal time to achieve a put-together look.
- emotional rollercoasters - it's not a myth- those post-pregnancy hormones are no laughing matter! Well, maybe one minute they are, and the next they are full-blown tears, and then anger, and doubt, and well, you see...a whole slew of feelings arise from the mere hormonal changes, not to consider the...
- emotional bond that is so fresh and new and overwhelming between the mother and child. Many of the women I talked to said they never expected to feel so much responsibility and doubt about their capabilities as a mother.
- And, sort of the "umbrella" to under which all of the others fall, every single mother I met said they felt like they lost who they were.
I have to say that the first and last symptoms were the most common for me. I was a such a different body shape after my first, and I had these preconceived notions that I would just fit into the clothes in a few months after I had the baby. That was not the case and therefore, I had a closet full of stylish, cute clothes that I couldn't wear. In addition, I had a really tough birth the first time around and, in hindsight, think I probably had a little post-traumatic stress because of it. I remember feeling like I couldn't remember who I was before I was a parent. I couldn't wear the clothes I liked, so, I was forced to wear the clothes that fit. In my opinion, nothing looked good. Nothing resembled "me". And, I had no time to do my hair, makeup, or any other the other things I once enjoyed....No blaring music while I cleaned, because - OOPS, Baby's sleeping! No long bubble baths because- BABY needs feeding! No running to get a pedicure because- "Inevitably, the baby is going to NEED me!". Some of this was self-imposed- like the baby NEEDING me...I often felt like I couldn't leave because I chose to have this baby and I needed to be there, 100% of the time. And while I still feel that I should be there most of the time, I no longer feel guilty about putting the kids in the kids room at the gym for an hour, or leaving to go grocery shopping in peace, or to just go OUT without them for a bit. I still think about them a lot when I'm not with them, but I have started to find myself again. When I am on the treadmill at the gym, I BLAIR my favorite songs because that's when I can! I feel great afterwards! It puts me back in touch with "me" and what I like, not just what my kids like. Going to the gym automatically makes me want to eat healthier during the day because I don't want to undo what I did! And, over time, it's helped me lose weight, feel stronger, and more toned. When I get home, I take a shower, do my hair (if I can, time is still an issue), but I always do my makeup. It's my "happy pill". It makes me feel good! When I am wearing makeup, I look in the mirror and feel like I look healthy. I don't immediately see the dark circles under my eyes or the lines creeping up, I see a put-together mom who is, in little ways, putting herself first. The little ways add up to big ways and eventually, the clouds clear, and you're able to enjoy yourself, the beautiful babies who are a huge part of you (but don't make you), and the process of re-creating who you are each and every day.
So, if you haven't already, go put on a clean shirt, spritz some perfume, put a little gloss on, play your favorite song, put on a great outfit (even if you're staying home! It's not a waste if it makes you feel good!).... I promise, you will really enjoy it! :)
Every situation is different and some women experience a more serious form of baby blues than others. Not all of us will need professional help to emerge from post-partum depression, but some will. If you or someone you know thinks that they are struggling and needs help, listen. There is no shame in talking to someone that can help you/them feel better.
