I think it's time for me to put into words how I have felt over the past 3 years....it's a disservice to other mothers or even those that are just feeling a bit "lost" if I don't share my experience. There is a lesson here and it's one for you and I both...
When I had my son just over 3 years ago, I remember the first two weeks being pure adrenaline- better than any drug I had ever heard of-- it was "superwoman-mom mode" and I LOVED that feeling. I actually was excited for it when I was close to having my second! I anticipated that feeling for weeks before my daughter was born a year ago...
Eventually, the adrenaline died off and exhaustion set in somewhere around the 4th month or so. I had done pretty well with losing the baby weight up to that point and then...something changed...things got dark...I submerged into this lonely place and I had no idea how to get out of it.
To spare you of every single detail, and to keep this blog relatively readable in length, suffice it to say that my confidence had been broken, my physical well-being damaged by a very difficult birth, and I was wreeling with self-doubt and hopelessness about my role as a mother. Time went on and I did some patch work on the cracked surface of myself, but, really, the cracks were to the core. My sweet baby boy had brought about so many changes in my life- some that were great, some that weren't, and some that were just purely unexpected. It brought up old emotional scars from my own childhood...it put me at odds with the image of myself that I wanted to have as a mother and the mother I had become. It was a really tumultuous time for me and I never shared it with anyone except for my husband. Even to this day, I am undecided whether this was post-partum depression or if it was just me going through the process of adjusting to broken expectations that I had placed on myself since I was a little girl...
So, as the months went by, I gradually started to get back into a groove- it still wasn't me, but it was an improvement from where I was. I was starting to value my appearance again and I was doing some soul-searching, too, trying to figure out ways to regain the characteristics of myself that made me the person I am.
This process is long, well, at least it was for me. I was probably half-way through all of this when I found out that I was having another baby! What should have been a joyous time, was tarnished by the fact that I had just been laid off and my husband, too. We were facing a major transition and I had no idea what to do. I knew that it would be very difficult to get a new job being pregnant, and though I interviewed multiple times, I found it difficult to find something that would fit into our transforming life as a family. Either the money wasn't right, the hours weren't right, or, the job just wasn't right.
I had a good friend from college who happened to have a little boy the same age as my son. Over time and many playdates, she introduced me to the Motives brand and the business opportunity. I can honestly say that this was a HUGE catalyst for me...it is, still, to this day, what motivates me to keep searching for the person I was before I had children.
So, I bought some of the Motives products off of my friend, just being supportive, not really believing they would be as amazing as they are, and not really thinking that there was a future with the opportunity. When I bought this makeup, I wore it the very next day. I felt that if I was going to put this fresh face on, then I needed to put a nice outfit on, too. This was, in hindsight, a major milestone for me! I was coming together...
A few weeks passed and, the layoff notice came. I found out I was pregnant again. I went through another dark spell. I felt like a complete shell of the person I was and that I expected myself to be. I remember thinking that I was such a loser- to be pregnant AGAIN but with no job- putting all of the pressure on my husband....who, soon, was also out of work. Luckily, he went back to work very quickly. I just saw the life I wanted to be living disappearing before my eyes. My reality and what I had always wanted to be my reality at that point in my life just weren't lining up and it was painful and heartbreaking and disappointing. I felt my head slipping under water again...
A few weeks out of work, I decided to learn more about the Motives opportunity. Turns out, its much like a franchise but without a lot of the ugly franchise characteristics. I had some experience with makeup, having worked for Lancome before and just being interested in the topic. So, I decided to become a Motives business owner. I had all of these visions of pounding the pavement (pregnant, with a toddler!), selling the product to every person and salon I met, and basically becoming Donald Trump's nemesis!!! I had the vision...I did not have the confidence and the will to change.
Skip ahead 9 months...My daughter was born! It was a very easy birth, luckily and I was up and walking that night. I was a seasoned vet at this mom thing and no baby blues were going to keep me down! I was ready to fight off those feelings of self-doubt, sadness, etc...And minus a few bumps along the way, I think I managed relatively well. I started getting out with my kids early- the more moms I was around, the more I started to reflect on myself...I didn't want to always be "that mom that doesn't work, that wears yoga pants daily, and who always looks like she just woke up"...My appearance was the #1 hangup that I still had...I still was not confident in my style (lacking style, I should say) or my post-baby-body. I didn't feel attractive. In addition, I still felt a little weird when people would ask me what I did....I, personally, wanted to have a career, too. I wanted to have an identity outside of being a mother and wife. I wanted to be able to create my own income for the family and ...create my own success, too! A traditional, 9-5 job was not going to work for us. There were (are) many days that I wished it would, but, it just wasn't going to. And, I considered letting go of my Motives business and "thinking up" some new business, but, we didn't have the money for that. So, sort of by default, I decided to make a go of Motives, again. I decided that it was ALL or NOTHING and this was my chance to make it happen. I am so glad that I did.
Now, as a rep of a cosmetic line and owner of my own business, I could not go out and meet people (potential clients, business partners, friends) looking like I just rolled out of bed...That is not the image I wanted to portray to people and its definitely not a good representation of Motives and the business. In other words, I needed to
try when I got up in the morning =). I admit, some days, I just say it's an "off day" and I put the comfy stuff back on, but, most days, I try to look put together. I always do my makeup! Its as much personal as it is professional...it makes me feel good about myself and it displays the makeup for others to see. I don't just buy new clothes for my husband and kids, I get myself some new things now and again, too! Slowly, I am chipping away at the wall of gloom that had been holding me back for too long.
You see, sometimes, for the love of ourself is not enough. Sometimes, we have to be forced to do something that in turn, has a huge positive impact on us. For me, the need to create a way to earn income and have a professional life, lead me to becoming a Motives rep. Becoming a Motives rep forced me to take care of myself. In taking care of myself, I have found my confidence and happiness again. I have seen the dark-side and now I have risen from it. I feel as though I can do anything now! There is a saying out there about success- that there are no limits to what we can achieve once we allow ourselves to get out of our own way. I totally believe that! The self doubt I was carrying around is gone and I now know that- yes, I won't connect with everyone and I won't find a fan in everyone I meet, but, it's not those that matter. The ones who support me and who are kind are the ones who matter. The others just keep it interesting and challenging- otherwise we'd give up!
I guess I am truly transformed because now I focus on working with other moms to help them feel better, too! It breaks my heart to hear or see another woman struggling because I know just how difficult it is. I like to give them a new, exciting reason to get dressed in the morning- to do their makeup- to shave their legs- to spray a little perfume...One thing leads to the other and they are smiling a lot more...and enjoying life a lot more. And, hopefully, they will see the possibility for sun through the storm, too.
My kids are now 3 and 1 and there are still rough days. But, I greet each and every day with a made-up face and a decent outfit and it's surprising how just those two things can help me feel like I can handle it all. Motives has been a blessing for me. I am definitely not saying it's for everyone, but, you have to find something that will inspire you and excite you and give you a reason to get out of your pajamas! Whatever that is, do it! One foot in front of the other, you will find yourself transforming, too!
And, last, but not least, I have to say that in taking care of myself, I am able to love my children more. I don't feel like I "gave up" so much of myself to give them life, now. I feel like they are the best part of who I am. Those babies and my husband are why I fought so hard to get where I am today- I owed it to them just as much as myself. I wanted to be a positive role model for my kids- I didn't want them to remember me being unhappy or emotionally spent- I want them to remember me as a energetic, fun-loving, intelligent, and caring mother. And now, I finally reflect that.
Thank you for reading this incredibly long post! Feel free to email me if you'd like to make a personal comment @ nicjoniec@gmail.com, and as always, leave a comment...I love reading them!
Be well:) Nicole
