Let's be real...when your baby belly is no longer with baby but it's still a belly...it is no fun to get dressed. When you have dimples in more places that just your face, it's no fun to get dressed. And, when your new heartthrob (the little cherub!) spits up, wipes food/snot all over you, and you are constantly crawling around on the floor (which, if yours is like ours, is usually spotted with crumbs!), it's also not very much fun to get dressed in anything other than comfortable, very-washable, post-baby-belly hiding, clothes. But, from my experience, this is a vicious cycle. The more you lose yourself to "babydom", the more you really lose it! ...I found that I felt sad, overwhelmed, and unconfident in myself. It made me bicker with my kids and my husband more often. It made me never really want to do more than just sit around and play with my kids. And before I knew it, I felt like I had lost myself and my identity. And that saddened me more than the baby-belly without the baby.
I will save my "transformation"/"ah-ha" story for another post (suspense is killing you already, isn't it???), but suffice it to say that one day, I had to conciously decide that I was "taking back my SELF". I was going to give identity back to this frumpy mom that I had become.
So, through my second pregnancy, though I donned yoga pants
It is a labor of love. Everything in life is! I never thought much about clothing before- It was easy to buy something I liked in the store and fit it on my size 6 body. Shorts were rarely too short- my belly never had a jiggly spot that needed concealing, and I never had to wonder "is this appropriate for a mom to wear?" It was a lot easier back then. But, it didn't mean as much to me as it does now. Finding clothing that makes me feel comfortable in my "new" mom body and confident, too, has never been so important. Putting on a fresh, bright face every morning has never been so critical to my mood and outlook on the day! I am always ready for someone to stop by- I am ready to go out if I receive an invite! Being a parent can be confining but not having your makeup done or being dressed appropriately should never be an excuse! Though there are so many things that change in your life after you have kids, one thing that shouldn't is the level of care that you give to yourself! It doesn't matter if you are a stay-at-home mom or a working-mom, you should take care to preserve who you are. You'll be a much better, much happier mom for doing so!
My 5 favorite tips:
1- Always wear lipgloss, blush, CONCEALER and mascara!
2- Always spray on a fresh, clean fragrance! I love DKNY Pure.
3- Invest in a cute casual jacket- it's an easy way to add character to an otherwise run-of-the-mill outfit and, it covers up spit up, leaks, drips, and whatever else you could imagine!
4- Short or long, DO YOUR hair at least every other day so that it's still somewhat styled the second day!
5- Get a cute purse that can be used as a diaper bag. No more lugging around a Whinny-the-Pooh diaper bag! If your baby was carrying it, then it would be cute. But they aren't-- you are! There's no way to ruin an outfit faster than to finish it with a cartoon-themed diaper bag...okay, barring a diaper explosion...
Hope this helps! Be well....be beautiful, but most of all, be YOU!
I am sure every mom out there is saying "I hear Ya!!" I know I sure am...something I am learning in Brazil is that moms don't get frumpy here (mostly because they have maids, cooks, and nannies! HAHA) But they never stop taking care of themselves and I think it really helps in the post partum process. I knwo I have/am struggling with life after baby and am feeling all of those things you describe but true to what you said you need to get back "self" ..the other day I wen tto the store alone for the first time in a LONG time and I came back and told my husband that it made me feel like a woman again...all I did was get in the car and buy bread but it was THRILLING! soo...i will get on your band wagon and really start to take care of myself because we are examples for our little girls :)
ReplyDeleteHi Maggie =) Good for you! There are still days for me (today, ironically, was one of them!) where I have to force myself to get it together. It can be a dark, lonely, self-defeating place- motherhood. It's physically and emotionally draining at times and its such a rollercoaster ride full of different feelings! It's a baby you wanted so badly and love so much but there are those times you do resent how much it has taken over your life. I think, for me, the first step in getting rid of those feelings, was 1) not letting anyone else's superwoman stories or negative comments get me down and 2) putting myself 1st from time to time. That is hard for me because I am a nurturer by nature, but, you are right- it is about setting examples for your kids! They also have to know that you are someone outside of your roll as mother/wife. I think "working" moms have it a little easier because the kids see the different "hats" so to speak, but when you are home all day (even if you are running a business from home, etc), the lines are blurred. Another way I like to think of it is: I treat staying home with them AS my job. I get dressed, plan my day, and carve out time for ALL of the things I need/should do each day. Kids have to understand that there is down time for them and for Mom/Dad, there is cleaning time, there is play time, etc and that all of those tasks contribute to the functioning of a balanced home. Hang in there- I think the whole first year after Aiden was born was a challenge for me. And just when I thought I was "good", I was pregnant again! It's a lot easier to adjust the 2nd time. And, who would have thought that going to the grocery store ALONE could be so exhilarating??? haha! =)
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